This really terrible thing that just happened is making me really looking forward to thanksgiving. No, seriously.

So, let me preface this blog by stating that I had laser corrective eye surgery last Friday. My ophthalmologist insists that I wear these extremely attractive plastic eye shields that, while seemingly clear and able to be seen through, are actually quite ridiculous for the reading and typing that I am about to embark on. So, just for that sheer fact, this may turn out even funnier that my previous blogs.

So, picture, if you will, something like this: cool batman mask, but plastic, with tiny holes that you could definitely sort of see out of if it weren't for the tape covering said holes. I can see between the small crevis to the right of my nose, beneath my eye, if I give my head a decent left tilt..Anyway, with that glorious image in mind, I will embark on this miserable story that has made me so thrilled to get my holiday season started. Forgive the typos. Thank God for autocorrect.

Some time ago a person came back into my life that had not been around for quite some time. The conversations started out casual.....both of us testing the waters, so to speak. But when things seemed to be going better than planned, and the house of cards still hadn't fallen, we grew closer. We spoke via FaceTime, text, and the phone quite frequently. Sometimes several times a week, which would have been unheard of just months prior. I felt pretty good about things. Certain that this person, who had hurt me so many times before, had changed. Things went on this way for months. It was great. Really started to think of this person as my friend again....perhaps, some would say, like a sister? We were happy in our little situation, so happy...Except not so happy that we have outfit coordinated Martinis. Now THAT'S happy. And perhaps, as we will learn, was the root of our problem. 

Anyway, you get the idea. So wedding plans began, me and my eager new friend who wanted to help with plans. Hooray, I thought, someone else who will take on too much, only be ale to do a little, but in the end I will still have plenty of help with a bunch of people each doing a little :)So things started being planned. And this friend decided to take over bachelorette plans. Great! Perfect person for the job. I was kept informed, but not too much because some things needed to be secrets from the bride! Then, two days before my eye surgery I call this friend to chat and I am being asked a list of questions about what her date will be doing while she is doing bridal party stuff...nails, hair, etc. I said I didn't know and was cut off with "no, I meant for my boyfriend". 

Hmm, well I said I could get a list of things to do in the area for him but surely he would understand what being the date of someone in the wedding meant....that's they would have things to do for a lot of the time. Well that didn't appear to be a good enough answer. "Hmmmm" I thought, and then suggested that one of my friends' husbands would be in the same boat, surely the two of them could find something to do? Problem solved! Wow, phew. First semi-heated crisis averted. Wrong, and, now, FULL HEATED. We're talking Vesuvius here. My ear was melting through the phone. Yikes. Feverishly I was trying to think of a way to avert this crisis, because it was escalating fast. I was home alone. Nobody in sight to mouth or sign advice to me. Cursing my medical training in my head for not preparing me for crisis aversion and then the damage control training that I would soon be needing since I was no stinkin' good at crisis aversion! Then came a rant of how inconvenient the wedding was for this boyfriend. I calmly suggested that maybe he should not attend if she felt she would be too busy and he would have nothing to do. Which was met with statements leading me to believe that that, too, along with every other crazy, stupid detail and stress and drama that goes into the days before the wedding was my responsibility. I calmly stated that I wasn't a cruise director, and ended the call.

The next part is perhaps the most disheartening. It still makes me cry. Until tonight, when I tried to turn it into something good as Thanksgiving approaches us. Hang with me. [But a backstory is needed. Just a short one - I was engaged in medical school. Before the wedding, he broke it off for another woman. Someone he had been seeing since prior to our engagement. They are now happily married. And I have forgiven the situation and I wish them nothing but happiness. He did me a favor, one I couldn't possible appreciate at the time.]

Next came a string of text messages about how terrible I was and, blah, blah, blah. A bunch of messages I ignored. Took with a grain of salt. Didn't give a second thought. Then came the big one, the one I can't seem to shake from my mind when I lay down in bed at night. It said that nobody was excited at all about this wedding, because everyone is expecting it to fall apart like the last one.

My heart still sank when I wrote that. As I am sure did others who have been through something similar. The point was not that he left me, not that he chose someone else, not that I was devastated then.....because now I am thankful, because each step after that seemingly life-altering event got me to where I am today. The statement she made to me about that was cold. And heartless. And mean. But not because it reminded me of him. But because my own sister had said it to me.

Now, this blog was never ever meant to be anything but positive and funny (refer to the previous post outlining the common misconceptions of douche canoes). But this situation really stuck with me and it really bothered me so I decided that writing about it would be cathartic. In addition, I wanted to turn it into a positive, especially with the holiday season coming up.

Ben and I have FOUR days off IN A ROW together starting Thursday. We were really annoyed we couldn't find anything within decent driving distance to go do. But then, after this crap, I was laying in bed thinking, with my fancy eye shields on, and I came up with some things we can do.

The fact of the matter is is that I AM thankful that I have a sister, I think. I don't like that we fight and I don't like that it causes sadness for my folks. But I am thankful that I have a wonderful set of parents who love us very much. Whom we have already made thanksgiving plans with for next year. And I am hoping they will come here so mom and I can cook for the men :)

Ben and I are going to finally clean out the garage (he doesn't know this yet)....but I think taking one or two of those boxes we haven't unpacked since we moved in nearly two years ago would be good. Because lots of that stuff I think we can donate, to goodwill. Some parents are going to need to shop there this year for Christmas, and I am certainly not using that stuff. I would feel better knowing that some kids received some nice presents because we finally got off our lazy asses and made more room in the garage for our cars. I am going to do an extra box for my sister as well.

We are also going to start a scrapbook. Yah, the wedding photographer makes a fancy one that's all nice and matte and fancified....but I want one of the life of us before we were married....before we were engaged. Like our first date in Denver watching Tim Tebow play. I'm not suggesting we finish it this weekend. I am suggesting we get it started, and when we have a really trying week, or a disagreement, or a sibling brings us to tears, that we do another page to bring us back together.

It's little things. But they matter. They really, really do. Be kind to one another.

I promise in my next blog to talk more about recent additions tothe "Chair Hi 5" list - these people  have been placed on the list but have not yet received their hi 5. It's coming. When? Nobody knows.

Anyone up for a canoe ride?

A friend of mine sent me a message after reading my first couple of blogs....that she wished she was talented enough to write about all the 'douche canoes' that she encountered on a daily basis. Douche canoe? That's fantastic. Why haven't I heard this before?

I thought about the implications of this phrase all day.

So I looked into it a little further.

This douche is UNDER a canoe. And his friend is watching him carry that thing alone. Hahaha. What a douche under a canoe. No wait. That's not it.

Let's try that again.

This douche is falling OUT of a canoe. His friends are helping him out. You're such a douche - get out of that canoe. You don't deserve the protection from the water that this canoe provides you.

I thought about it a little more - mostly of the guys I dated in college at the University of Florida. Yeah those guys who thought they were super cool because they dressed the same as all of the other fraternity guys on campus - even though they clearly looked "less douchy" than "that other house".

Oh yeah. Now we are getting somewhere. This picture totally sums up most of the guys walking around UF's campus. Let's see how many beer bongs we can do in our size too small Tommy Hilfiger polo shirts and docker shorts. Don't forget your Reefs or deck shoes, douche. And definitely keep wearing your sunglasses inside.

The moral of this story is that you can actually be more of a douche than a bag can hold. You need an entire canoe. How does that make you feel?

Just say no to douche canoes.

I am 6'7" with an anger problem

So my friend Anna and I went to get pedicures today, which happens to be strategically placed next to Buffalo Wild Wings. So we decided to go there afterwards for dinner - obviously, since it was 0.60 boneless wing night. Anyway, we were greeted at our table by this awesome "gay as a rainbow", as he put it, waiter named Cody. He sat down next to Anna as I was telling a very animated story and then, when I was finished, began telling one of his own - almost trying to "one up me" on his level of enthusiasm. He clearly doesn't know me, so I knew this wasn't going to end well. His stories were good, don't get me wrong - but it wasn't until he frantically came and sat in our booth, visibly distraught over the bleach blonde plastic surgery disaster in an all white dress, belt, and cow print boots that just sat down at one of his tables, that I knew we had to be best friends. That quickly turned into a story about him quitting college because he is "6'7 with an anger problem". It was then, that I decided, he was getting a $10 tip. At least.

The three of us decided that we should be snapchat buddies and quickly started 'snapchatting'. For those of you who don't know what that is, you should find out - now. It will change your life. I miss Cody.

PS my toenails are orange and blue. I guess I haven't mentioned that I have an (un)healthy obsession with the Florida Gators. Its like most of the relationships I've had in my life - I am physically obsessed and, to them, I am just another girl in the crowd in her sports bra realizing that painting oneself orange only makes you look jaundiced.....

Words to live by.....

So I tried to do this whole "blogging" thing about 5 years ago....and I found that I was actually pretty funny and decided to write a book. As with most things, however, I got really into book writing for awhile and then haven't picked it up since. I started with my first thoughts as a human (negotiating for a brother instead of a sister with my father as we left my mother's ultrasound appointment where I had received, at the time, very devastating news) and left off somewhere along the way in my training with a patient assessment and plan of "needs more benzos/try less meth". Someday I hope to finish it, but until then I have been inspired by other bloggers to give this a go again.

A little background - I am currently in my last year of anesthesia residency. That's right folks, I went to high school, college, medical school, and then residency. I am 31 years old and I have never had a real job. And by real I mean real MONEY. I have certainly worked REAL 80-100 hour work weeks and had REAL unappreciative bosses, patients, and coworkers. But, despite all of that, I survived. But I have noticed that, for some reason, my existence draws the most bizarre experiences. One day I saw this awesome picture:

It accurately represented all of the ridiculous thoughts and facial expressions I have given to situations over the years. It was perfect - and it became my new motto.

I'm excited to tell my crazy stories with anyone who cares to read them. Perhaps I will get a laugh or two out of you as well.

Sarah