So, let me preface this blog by stating that I had laser corrective eye surgery last Friday. My ophthalmologist insists that I wear these extremely attractive plastic eye shields that, while seemingly clear and able to be seen through, are actually quite ridiculous for the reading and typing that I am about to embark on. So, just for that sheer fact, this may turn out even funnier that my previous blogs.
So, picture, if you will, something like this: cool batman mask, but plastic, with tiny holes that you could definitely sort of see out of if it weren't for the tape covering said holes. I can see between the small crevis to the right of my nose, beneath my eye, if I give my head a decent left tilt..Anyway, with that glorious image in mind, I will embark on this miserable story that has made me so thrilled to get my holiday season started. Forgive the typos. Thank God for autocorrect.
Some time ago a person came back into my life that had not been around for quite some time. The conversations started out casual.....both of us testing the waters, so to speak. But when things seemed to be going better than planned, and the house of cards still hadn't fallen, we grew closer. We spoke via FaceTime, text, and the phone quite frequently. Sometimes several times a week, which would have been unheard of just months prior. I felt pretty good about things. Certain that this person, who had hurt me so many times before, had changed. Things went on this way for months. It was great. Really started to think of this person as my friend again....perhaps, some would say, like a sister? We were happy in our little situation, so happy...Except not so happy that we have outfit coordinated Martinis. Now THAT'S happy. And perhaps, as we will learn, was the root of our problem.
Anyway, you get the idea. So wedding plans began, me and my eager new friend who wanted to help with plans. Hooray, I thought, someone else who will take on too much, only be ale to do a little, but in the end I will still have plenty of help with a bunch of people each doing a little :)So things started being planned. And this friend decided to take over bachelorette plans. Great! Perfect person for the job. I was kept informed, but not too much because some things needed to be secrets from the bride! Then, two days before my eye surgery I call this friend to chat and I am being asked a list of questions about what her date will be doing while she is doing bridal party stuff...nails, hair, etc. I said I didn't know and was cut off with "no, I meant for my boyfriend".
Hmm, well I said I could get a list of things to do in the area for him but surely he would understand what being the date of someone in the wedding meant....that's they would have things to do for a lot of the time. Well that didn't appear to be a good enough answer. "Hmmmm" I thought, and then suggested that one of my friends' husbands would be in the same boat, surely the two of them could find something to do? Problem solved! Wow, phew. First semi-heated crisis averted. Wrong, and, now, FULL HEATED. We're talking Vesuvius here. My ear was melting through the phone. Yikes. Feverishly I was trying to think of a way to avert this crisis, because it was escalating fast. I was home alone. Nobody in sight to mouth or sign advice to me. Cursing my medical training in my head for not preparing me for crisis aversion and then the damage control training that I would soon be needing since I was no stinkin' good at crisis aversion! Then came a rant of how inconvenient the wedding was for this boyfriend. I calmly suggested that maybe he should not attend if she felt she would be too busy and he would have nothing to do. Which was met with statements leading me to believe that that, too, along with every other crazy, stupid detail and stress and drama that goes into the days before the wedding was my responsibility. I calmly stated that I wasn't a cruise director, and ended the call.
The next part is perhaps the most disheartening. It still makes me cry. Until tonight, when I tried to turn it into something good as Thanksgiving approaches us. Hang with me. [But a backstory is needed. Just a short one - I was engaged in medical school. Before the wedding, he broke it off for another woman. Someone he had been seeing since prior to our engagement. They are now happily married. And I have forgiven the situation and I wish them nothing but happiness. He did me a favor, one I couldn't possible appreciate at the time.]
Next came a string of text messages about how terrible I was and, blah, blah, blah. A bunch of messages I ignored. Took with a grain of salt. Didn't give a second thought. Then came the big one, the one I can't seem to shake from my mind when I lay down in bed at night. It said that nobody was excited at all about this wedding, because everyone is expecting it to fall apart like the last one.
My heart still sank when I wrote that. As I am sure did others who have been through something similar. The point was not that he left me, not that he chose someone else, not that I was devastated then.....because now I am thankful, because each step after that seemingly life-altering event got me to where I am today. The statement she made to me about that was cold. And heartless. And mean. But not because it reminded me of him. But because my own sister had said it to me.
Now, this blog was never ever meant to be anything but positive and funny (refer to the previous post outlining the common misconceptions of douche canoes). But this situation really stuck with me and it really bothered me so I decided that writing about it would be cathartic. In addition, I wanted to turn it into a positive, especially with the holiday season coming up.
Ben and I have FOUR days off IN A ROW together starting Thursday. We were really annoyed we couldn't find anything within decent driving distance to go do. But then, after this crap, I was laying in bed thinking, with my fancy eye shields on, and I came up with some things we can do.
The fact of the matter is is that I AM thankful that I have a sister, I think. I don't like that we fight and I don't like that it causes sadness for my folks. But I am thankful that I have a wonderful set of parents who love us very much. Whom we have already made thanksgiving plans with for next year. And I am hoping they will come here so mom and I can cook for the men :)
Ben and I are going to finally clean out the garage (he doesn't know this yet)....but I think taking one or two of those boxes we haven't unpacked since we moved in nearly two years ago would be good. Because lots of that stuff I think we can donate, to goodwill. Some parents are going to need to shop there this year for Christmas, and I am certainly not using that stuff. I would feel better knowing that some kids received some nice presents because we finally got off our lazy asses and made more room in the garage for our cars. I am going to do an extra box for my sister as well.
We are also going to start a scrapbook. Yah, the wedding photographer makes a fancy one that's all nice and matte and fancified....but I want one of the life of us before we were married....before we were engaged. Like our first date in Denver watching Tim Tebow play. I'm not suggesting we finish it this weekend. I am suggesting we get it started, and when we have a really trying week, or a disagreement, or a sibling brings us to tears, that we do another page to bring us back together.
It's little things. But they matter. They really, really do. Be kind to one another.
I promise in my next blog to talk more about recent additions tothe "Chair Hi 5" list - these people have been placed on the list but have not yet received their hi 5. It's coming. When? Nobody knows.
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